Summer Child

You don’t remember much, but
you remember how the taste of a
cheese sandwich transforms in
the instant your mouth dries up,
as voices steadily crescendo.

You remember how difficult it is
to swallow, and how an appetite
can suddenly vanish.

You kept your expectations
valiantly, kept the peace, kept
that smile above the sweat of
too much summer.

You left out more than you put
into that holiday diary,
filled with sand in your shoes
and the sticky pop of a calypso.

Small descriptions of seagulls
barking, pouring over crystals
like a candy pick’n’mix,
the turquoise sea you had
hoped to dive into until the ouch
of the cold nipped your toes.

You tried as hard as you could,
but what remains is the sadness
of trying to be a child for just
a moment longer, as you sat there
chewing: listening to all the
things you wished you were
too young to understand.

Anna Baum is a writer and ecology student. Her work explores themes of nature and climate, and as an autistic person she is especially interested in writing about neurodivergence. Recently she was selected for a residency with the Bothy Project, and she is currently working on a collection of personal essays. Anna is based in Sheffield.